SNOW, SNOW EVERYWHERE-AND NOT A SNOWBLOWER IN SIGHT!

Maybe it’s because I’m a city kid.

A city kid from what to Northern New Englanders must seem like the deep south-Washington, D.C. Oh, of course we had snow, but nothing like the dumping that we’ve had this year up north. We dug out the metal snow shovel when I was a kid (“darn! The snow keeps sticking to it!”)—and took care of the 1-3 inches we usually got.

In Washington, that was enough to close schools and virtually paralyze our Nations Capitol. Government shut down (“all non-essential workers may stay home”---talk about mixed feelings---“I get the day off……but apparently, I’m not that essential”)

So it’s little wonder that when I moved to Maine in 1982, I proudly made the purchase you would expect---a brand new plastic (high-tech!) snow shovel!

Twenty-six years later, I am still wielding the laughable plastic wand at Mother Nature as my neighbors (ALL OF THEM) deftly handle their driveways with a Toro or some such gasoline-powered, ice and snow munching machine!

I envy them as I flail away….I’ve snapped enough plastic snow shovels to afford a Peterbilt Snowplow semi. My back aches with every heave—and this year, with each successive storm, it gets harder to decide where to put each shovelful.

That’s it…….you win, Old Man Winter! Each year, I promise myself to buy a snowblower---but hey, wait until Spring when the prices come down! So what happens? Spring arrives—and the LAST THING I want to do is buy a snowblower when it’s 60 degrees outside. I’d rather buy a new sand wedge.

Not this year. Someone in some big box hardware store will hose me severely. They’ll see my glazed look from across the parking lot as I drag my shovel-worn body to the outdoor equipment display. My nightmare, of course, is that since I'll own the top-of-the-line snow removal apparatus, it will NEVER SNOW AGAIN. I’ll eagerly wait for a blizzard, drooling at the prospect of tossing it this way and that---and then it won’t happen…..Global Warming will actually arrive in New England—and I’ll have a brand new expensive….boat anchor in my garage.

Funny thing is—after this winter, I might be willing to pay that price. It might actually be worth it—the cost of a snowblower to ward off future storms.

But what do I know? I’m just a city kid who has shoveled all his life. Maybe I should go out that way—frozen solid, with another plastic tool clenched in my icy grip, taken from this earth in mid-heave! The neighbors will all sigh—and ask at my funeral-“Why didn’t that idiot ever buy a snowblower?”