Adults Can Stop The Bullying

The recent news of a girl committing suicide after enduring endless bullying has thrust the topic back into the consciousness of America.

The sad reality is that something else will likely take its place soon—and the societal reversal of behavior that needs to occur----won’t.

Part of the problem exists in the attitude that adults have towards bullying. Namely, that while “distasteful” or “unfortunate”, it is a fact of life—and something that must be endured rather than stopped.

This is wrong.

The evidence exists in the most recent news case that school officials were well aware of the taunts and teasing being heaped upon the victim—and that nothing was done. Was it truly a case of “looking the other way”—or simply dismissal based on the frequency of occurrence all over that school’s campus? We won’t likely ever know, but if criminal charges are brought, it will be a sure-fire wake-up call to teachers and administrators nationwide.

View this PSA, meant to call attention to the problem:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbKBvrEr2wE&feature=related

The rear view mirror to our own childhoods can obscure what happened back then—and what is happening all around us right now. As kids, we were all probably teased, bullied or made fun of at one time or another—and these memories can be painful to recall even as adults. The flip side of the coin also exists. Situations where WE were the ones doing the taunting. Maybe it was to merely “fit in”---or maybe it was to deflect the venom away from ourselves by “piling on” to someone else.

I was both a victim—and a guilty party growing up. And I feel much worse about the latter than the former. While I won’t plead guilty to being a classic “bully”-dammit, I wasn’t big enough!---I will admit to joining in with others on teasing when I had no clue as to whether it was being received good naturedly or was perceived as cruel. The truth is that even mild “teasing” may constitute a traumatic event for the target. Vicious and cruel ongoing bullying has another’s misery as the goal. This is also a common occurance.

Insecurity is at the heart of all bullying behavior anyway. Those who can only feel good about themselves by putting other people down are in need of help. Their own inadequacies find expression in the misery of others who become their targets.

Just as we can deceive ourselves with fantasies about “the good old days”—where family values were more seemingly prominent and oppressed groups like minorities, women and the handicapped (who collectively would challenge the notion) were ignored because their voices were not heard, we must realize that our growth as a society depends on recognizing situations that have, until now, gone unaddressed.

The evolution of human behavior points to positive progress over time. Even though pervasive media exposure and outlets have disseminated every sort of human cruelty and violence as if it were commonplace (it’s not), the fact is that far worse—and frequent abominations existed earlier in our history (without the media to expose them).

Our job, then, as adults—is to be vigilant for examples of bullying—and being ready to step in and modify the behavior ourselves. Of course, this applies to teachers and anyone who works with young people—coaches, counselors and administrators. But it also applies to parents---and any adult who wishes to make a difference.

We are all used to the statement: “Teenage girls can be so cruel!” While it may be true, it is not a foregone conclusion. Catching your daughter in the act of excluding someone or verbally demeaning them is a BULLETIN to address the situation. Watching your son pick on someone is not a situation where a mild approach or lukewarm rebuke is going to make a difference.

Adults must SEIZE these instances of bullying—whatever their degree----and make them a learning experience. I have seen children who, at the risk of being targeted themselves—have gone to the aid of a bullying victim, sticking up for them publicly and exposing the bully for the coward that he/she is. For a young person who craves acceptance by peers, there is perhaps no more courageous act.

Zero tolerance for bullying behavior is the goal—one that we can accomplish, as virtually all instances of bullying occur right out in the open.

I’m no expert—and I’m sure that many resources exist for parents who may need guidance in addressing certain situations. We need only to have to desire to look for them.

For every individual who responds to teasing and bullying with suicide or a final violent outburst that makes headlines, there are probably tens of thousands of people—many of them children---who suffer silently and who are destined to bear the emotional scars for a lifetime.

We have the power to reverse this, one child, one situation at a time.
Are we willing to do so?



If you’d like my blog in your weekday box, just let me know: tim.moore@citcomm.com