How To Quit Golf

Imagine my surprise when I opened the Christmas gift bag from my wife under our tree—to discover an iron.

Not a 6 iron, 9 iron or wedge. An iron. Like, for pressing pants.

A knowing smile—and a quick “make it plural” clued me in that this was Peggy’s way of granting my Christmas wish---for a new set of irons.

Yeah, that’ll do it.

“It” is reaching a level of golf nirvana where every shot rings true, arching high and straight and long, landing softly exactly where I want it to.

Of course, I am delusional, dreaming of proficiency in a game where frustration is the norm and an entire industry is dependent upon idiots like me, searching for golf’s “Holy Grail”: that one club, swing tip or gadget that will make it all worthwhile.

Peggy knows enough not to actually choose the clubs—who’d want that responsibility? I will venture out and get fitted, measured, have my swing analyzed and after the laughter subsides, I’ll be on the way home with a brand new set of sticks that will lower my handicap a stroke or two.

It’ll be worth it, because I love golf. The greatest game ever invented, but one that has spawned more jokes, temper tantrums and coronaries than any other pastime.

Thanks again to friend, golf buddy and purveyor of interesting e-mails Rick Cooper, who sent this gem to me.

If you are a golfer, you will laugh out loud, a knowing laugh that exposes you and me and all others who play this crazy game that we are just one or two horrible shots away from doing the same thing as this funny film portrays:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cohTl1dekBs


After an afternoon of shanking, slicing, chili-dipping and chunking it, we know that the ONE good shot we pull off on the 18th hole will bring us back. The rest are what we men call “mother-in-law” shots (“looked good leaving”)—those that started out so promising, only to detour into nature’s pinball machine, ricocheting off multiple trees.

Nice.

But the next shot will be better, I promise.
No matter what, I’ll be back again. After all, I hear there’s a new set of irons out there that are ultra-forgiving of shots hit off-center.

They will be mine.

Look out Phil, Tiger, etc. I’m coming after all of you.

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