Valentine's Day Trap

THE FOLLOWING IS AN ENCORE TIM MOORE BLOG:

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, there is definitely a RIGHT way to do it—and millions of WRONG ways---as men throughout history have discovered. As usual, we have found out the errors of our ways only AFTER the offending act or insensitive gift has been delivered.

As far back as the caveman (whose banishment back then was to sofas made of stone), guys have been mystified by the magnitude of female rage following our boneheaded attempts to court our sweethearts.

Although I myself have no doubt joined in with these “errors of judgment”, (and thereby am disqualify from being an expert), there are some general do’s and don’t that may seem obvious, but their yearly violation by armies of men requires me to repeat this short list:

DO’s

1) This should be obvious, but I’ll say it anyway. DO SOMETHING. Blowing it off is simply not an option, unless you like the feeling of a cast iron frying pan slamming into your head. Ouch.
2) The Big Three are cool, but ho-hum. Flowers, Candy & Jewelry are good, but the jewelry takes top spot.
3) If buying her clothes, be sure to SIZE down. Yes, SMALLER than she really is. See Number 3 of “Don’ts below.
4) Surprise her at work! Generally speaking, however, it’s a PLUS to have the flowers delivered where your lady can display them in front of her co-workers. Singing telegrams are romantic—and a good way to send your love. Strippers are NOT a good choice to deliver the sentiments here.
5) SPEND MONEY. Skimping on cost is not smart. Remember, she shops more than you do and can smell a cheap gift from a mile out. You WON’T fool her. If she doesn’t instinctively know how much you spent, she’ll look it up.


DON’T’s

1) Top of the list: DON’T FORGET. Tie a string around your finger, mark your datebook, write it on the wall. With TV, radio and print advertising impossible to avoid, there is no excuse for taking a whiff here.
2) Don’t get her a vacuum cleaner, a bowling ball, a Swiffer or brand new laundry basket. If you SURVIVE after giving such a gift, the cost of having a Hoover surgically removed from its most likely entry point will make you wish that you’d purchased a diamond necklace.
3) Don’t buy anything that implies she needs to lose weight. A gym membership, a case of SlimFast or clothes in size XXL are simply a death wish.
4) If a romantic meal at a restaurant is planned, make sure you MAKE A RESERVATION. Nothing kills the mood faster than standing amidst other thoughtless men and their dates, waiting for an hour to get a cramped table next to the Mens Room. Nice.
5) Don’t deliver the gift in the bag where you shopped for it. No matter how enticing the item is, it’s appeal plummets when yanked from a plastic WalMart bag.


Clearly this is an abbreviated list, but nevertheless, it behooves all men reading this blog to adhere strictly to the rules of engagement above. Ladies, you no doubt could add to this list—and I welcome your input (as do all men worldwide)

Here’s a humorous ad that spoofs our ineptitude in selecting a proper gift:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pffeMdDSoY

Funny.
Of course, the desired emotion, guys, is LOVE, not laughter. AMORE!
Good luck! And Happy Valentine’s Day!!

If you’d like my blog in your box weekdays, just let me know: tim.moore@citcomm.com