Parking Etiquette

As the holiday season heads into the final week—and shoppers become more frantic, you’ll see an increase in PLR, which, of course, is more commonly known as Parking Lot Rage.

PLR increases after Thanksgiving and reaches a crescendo on Christmas Eve at around 5pm. The source of PLR is naturally: too many cars and not enough parking spaces in any given parking lot. The culprits are not always behind the wheel.

Here are some scenarios you may recognize:

1) THE INTERLOPER- In this situation, you see someone pulling out of a space. While you are patiently waiting for the exiting car to leave- someone else comes from the OTHER side and charges into the space that you were there first for. I don’t throw “justifiable homicide” around lightly, but there isn’t a jury anywhere within shouting distance of a Mall that would convict you.

2) THE DAWDLER- Yes, these shoppers returning to their car SEE you waiting there, but they have to take their sweet time in unloading their packages into the car. Some will finish their coffee, apply makeup or sit around talking on their cell phone instead of being considerate and GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THE SPACE!!!!!! Ahem….sorry.


3) THE SPACE HOG-This idiot usually is driving a really fine set of wheels. He or she believes that such a nice ride deserves to be protected from scratches and dents. The best way to do this, of course, to take MORE THAN ONE SPACE. Sometimes, this is done overtly (parking diagonally across two or more spaces)-other times, it is crossing “over the line” just enough to keep anyone driving anything other than a Mini Cooper from using the adjacent space. Unfortunately for them, they are often the targets of vandalism from those afflicted with PLR (serves them right)

4) CAR STALKER-After a few rounds up and down every lane-with no open spaces in sight, PLR victims will begin stalking their prey (you) as you stroll through the parking lot on the way to your car. If you are making your way to your vehicle, nonchalantly glance over your shoulder to see if you are being followed by one or more cars. Yes, they are following you to your vehicle, where a fresh space appears imminent. This may incite PLR in you, but will definitely trigger rage amongst the following caravan of drivers if it appears-even for a minute—that you have forgotten where you have left your SUV. Any backtracking at all could elicit profanity directed your way. Of course, you can have your own fun by darting quickly across three lines of cars, thus thwarting the car stalker. If you decide to do this, I suggest that you refer to #2 above and EXIT YOUR SPACE QUICKLY.



Good luck—be careful out there—and don’t BE/DO any of the above