Oil Change...And Would You Like A Complete Engine Rebuild With That?

My recent blog on car repairs sent my friends to me with their own horror stories-and now I don’t feel all alone out there!

All this reminded me of the modus operandi of virtually all of the “quick oil change” purveyors out there.

1) Take the car into the bay for the cheap oil change, then…
2) Walk slowly into the waiting room with a concerned look on your face-and a shopping list of everything else wrong with your car. If carrying a clogged fuel filter or filthy air filter, all the better.

The above scenario happens EVERYTIME I go for an oil change. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Or, I should say, it used to.

When bringing my then-young son John into one of these places, we joined an elderly woman who had arrived just moments before. I explained to the youngster what was about to happen-and then sat back to watch the show! Sure enough, within five minutes, the door opened from the service area and a somber technician approached the lady with a sorry tale of woe regarding her Buick. After the several hundred dollars in “repairs” was approved by the woman, fearful of ghastly consequences if she failed to give the OK, my young son turned to me in astonishment and asked, “How did you know that was going to happen, Dad?” I assured him that the exact same thing would happen to us in just a few minutes.

Moments later, another serious grease monkey oiled his way into the waiting room, interrupting my enjoyment of a seven year old People magazine with a litany of ailments my car was suffering from, not the least of which was a filthy air filter, which he proudly held in his hand, as if he were in kindergarten “show and tell”.

“Funny”, I said, “I just put that air filter in a week ago”. Of course, the outside was dirty, but as I flexed the accordion-like baffles, they were as clean as the driven snow. A visibly embarrassed techie shrank into some excuse as I instructed him to merely complete the job for which we came.

Granted, there are many legitimate repairs offered and completed, but many more I suspect are completely unnecessary. I would love to see the industry’s revenue breakdown. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if at least 50% of their revenue is derived from parts and labor unrelated to the oil change itself.

So….whenever I go in and get the oil changed, I state my preferences right up front:

“Hi…I’m here for the oil change and fluid top-off special. I don’t want an air filter, a fuel filter, a new serpentine belt, a fan belt, a new battery, spark plugs, distributer, master cylinder, valve job, wiper blades or ANYTHING ELSE you have. Unless the engine is literally falling out of the car, I’ll be all set with the oil change…..OK?”

Haven’t had a lick of trouble since…try it…it works!